How to forget someone

Hi guys, guess you all are having a Sunday blast. Some of you maybe sitting at home being depressed about the last relationship you had or someone who is being the cause of your sadness.

Many times, unfortunately we come in contact with people who at first seems good, loving and caring but then when we start to be closer with them, feel affectionate and tries to establish a bond, suddenly they start to show no more interest. Sometimes we misjudge someone’s affections and closeness as a sign of commitment or sometimes they play their natural game without being concerned about the consquences of their actions and how this will affect us. Truly that hurts, whoever it is, a friend, boyfriend, girlfriend or colleague.Relationships hurts, not because the person is being mean to us or we misjudge but because when we are with someone, in any kind of relationship, we store enormous volume of memories, if it is a romantic relationship then it’s worse than ever.We don’t get sad because the person is not with us or gives us the same values that we are expecting or offer to them. But it is because we are not able to find the right way to erase the memories and our ego does not let us accept the fact that the person who has been treating us low or being mean is not going to change their attitude.

How to deal with this ?????

  • The very first thing is, simply we can not forget people or their actions, in the same way that we can not forget many other things in life. So, the best way is to accept that the person is no longer with you, and his/her attitude towards you will never get changed.
  • The second thing is, be on a destructive mode, not self-destruction but destroy every piece of shit that is connected with the person. Start with cleaning chats, SMS, emails, gifts, and at last phone number. Don’t write the number anywhere, do not cheat your own self.
  • Stop talking to those people who can bring any topic related to that person who is causing you discomfort. If you’re in college or office it will definitely be a huge problem, in this case tell all the people who can bring any topic related to that person, you are not interested to listen. If they really care they will understand if not then you must not care about them.
  • Restrain yourself from being in any kind of communication with the person who is causing you this anxiety. Just know that sometimes it is all about you, you have to love yourself. At least maintain NO CONTACT for 3 to 4 months.
  • Go for a solo trip, meet new peoples, see new places, spend time with family, concentrate on work and money making, and most important, give less time to your phone, more to the real peoples surrounding you.

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Marshmallow and Self- Regulation

In late 1960s and early 1970s, Walter Mitchel, a psychology professor at the University of Stanford did an experiment on a number of preschool kids, aged 3/4 years. In that test, the children were rewarded for a small task, the reward Walter Mitchel offered to them was one marshmallows, but he told the kids, if they can wait and not eat the one marshmallow until he returns, he would give them two mashmallows instead of one. The waiting period was approximately 15 minutes, in some cases it extended to 20 minutes. Some children waited until he returned, some waited for a few minutes and ate the one marshmallow, the rest ate the marshmallow as soon as he left. Walter Mischel observed those children as they grew up and after few years he found tremendous difference in those child regarding their academics, views about life, their goals, their ability to cope with any social environment and ability to stay calm in situations of stress.

We often plan to do something that we know we should do, but in spite of knowing what we should do, we can not put those plans into action, why so ?? What I think is, we are not able to transform these thoughts into actions because we are not able to restrain ourselves from not reacting to temptation, this is the cause of our lack of self regulation. Especially in the case of students, you know you must study from this to that hours, you may make a routine that you never follow, although you are well aware of what is your priority, that happens because we can not stop yourself from reacting to temptations, like gossiping with friends, browsing the internet, chatting over social media, watching TV.

People who are more self regulated and self disciplined are more successful, those who can delay gratitude are more focused on the future than the present, they know the sacrifices they are making today by not reacting to the temptations will make them more successful, help them achieve their goals. For achieving something big we have to sacrifice momentarily gains or pleasure.

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Forest Fire

It starts with a spark, gradually it grows bigger, at some point the entire forest is in it’s grip. Forest fire, this does not discriminate between things, whether plants, woods or dry grass it burns everything, does not follow any direction, destroys everything that comes in its way.

Anger, is similar to a forest fire, it destroys everything. Relationships, career, love and most importantly our own peace of mind. Among all the negative emotions anger is the most dangerous, like the fumes arising from a forest fire covers the sky and makes it difficult for our eyes to see through the cloud of fumes, the cloud of anger covers our eyes and stops the mind to see things clearly, sometimes we take quick decisions while our mind is in the clench of anger, which may have long term consequences. Like the forest fire, anger only destroys. It is like the fisherman’s hook, once it catches us, it is most difficult to detach ourselves from it.

Don’t give in to worry or anger, it only leads to trouble.

Psalm 37:8

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Deep relaxation through breathe controlling

Herbert Benson in 1975 described the physiological state, known as “Deep relaxation”.

Deep relaxation is a state in which our body responds exactly opposite when it experiences stress, it is marked by a drop in blood pressure, heart rate, respiration rate, etc.

Sitting in front of TV and watching favourite shows or sleeping is one kind of relaxation but deep relaxation is something else, it is about calming down the mind and body both. There are many exercises for practicing deep relaxation. One of which, is breath control or calming the breath.

This breathe exercise can be done anywhere, whether in the office, home, bus, train or aeroplane. Whether you are sitting on a chair or the floor.

Steps :-

  • First, sit on the floor or chair, whatever you are comfortable with, if you are sitting on the floor better to sit in lotus position, if on chair then keep your feet on the floor.
  • Close your eyes, let your body be in a relaxation mode, let the stress in the muscles go away.
  • Visualize yourself sitting in a beautiful place, for example in a mountainous place, in front of a stream, the Sun is rising behind the mountains, there are flowers of different colors around you.
  • Breathe through abdomen. Inhale through the nose, while inhaling, count upto 6 in your mind. You can either count like this or inhale for 3 to 4 seconds. But be very slow while inhaling. Do not inhale very fast.
  • Hold the breathe and either count upto 6 or hold the breath for 3/4 seconds.
  • Exhale slowly while counting upto 6 or 3/4 seconds.
  • Always keep in mind, the time you take to inhale must be equal to the time for which you hold your breathe and exhale. For example if you inhale for 3 seconds, then hold your breathe for 3 seconds and exhale for 3 seconds.
  • Repeat the same cycle of inhaling – holding – exhaling your breathe for 9 times. After every 3 cycle take one normal breathe.

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What is behind thoughts

We are very much concerned about thoughts, very often we say that we thought this we thought that, but we are least bothered about the thing behind the thoughts, do thoughts arises from nowhere? Or is there something behind it, what is the reason behind having thoughts? A few weeks ago I was having these questions in my mind which led me to know something.

There are many concepts of thoughts and actions in psychology, but in an ancient Hindu book, I found something very amazing. The sage was saying that there is a cycle consisting of our actions, thoughts and tendencies. From tendencies arises thoughts, thoughts result into actions and when we perform the actions the tendencies become more stronger which makes the thoughts to appear more often.

Thus our actions are the reactions of our thoughts. Suppose you are walking on the street, suddenly if a thought of putting your hands in your pockets arises, you’ll put your hands in your pockets, this may seem a very ordinary thing and hardly any of us is concerned about such things, but if you notice carefully this small thing has a deeper concept beneath it. When a thought arises in our mind, it takes only a fraction of second for the thought to transform into action.

The concept of this chain between tendencies, thoughts and actions are very useful if we use this to give up bad habits, tendencies can occur due to a genetic factor to a small extent, the social environment makes a great impact on our tendencies. Since these tendencies transform into thoughts and thoughts into actions, so if we restrain our actions by not reacting to temptations, this will weaken the thoughts, as the thoughts will become weaker, the tendencies will also lose their strength. It may not be done in a day, week or months, it may take a couple of years but if we can practice it regularly, this may have a great impact on our life and help us to give up bad habits.

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Add Vitamins to subtract stress

We all are aware of how nutrient deficiency have a negative impact on our physical health, but these nutrient deficiency also impacts our mental health.

Depression and anxiety are the most common form of mental disturbance, scientific researchers have found that people suffering from anxiety and depression have deficiency of various vitamins in their bodies. The two most important vitamins, the deficiency of which can increase anxiety, stress, restlessness and irritability are i)Vitamin B ii)Vitamin C

  • Vitamin B :- Vitamin B helps in proper functioning of the nervous system. Especially B1 B2 B6 B12 deficiency causes anxiety, irritabillity, restlessness and fatigue. Vitamin B5 supports the adrenal gland, which helps us to cope up with high stress.
  • Vitamin C :- Vitamin C strengthens the immune system, increases the rate of healing from injury and infections, apart from this, Vitamin C also supports the adrenal gland.

Sources of Vitamin

Since all the eleven Vitamins works together, Vitamin B complex supplement is a good source for getting all the Vitamins. But, if you’re not comfortable with suple ments like me than you can have those Vitamin through your food. Good sources of Vitamin B12, B 6 and B 2 (Riboflavin) are meat (liver), chicken giblets, egg yolk, dried beans, lentils, split peas, soya products, spinach, beetroot, brussel sprouts, broccoli, mushrooms, green leafy vegetables, whole grain and enriched cereals and bread. Some of the natural sources of Vitamin B1 are milk, oats, nuts, seeds.

Good natural sources of Vitamin – C are Indian gooseberry, citrus fruits, such as limes, oranges and lemons, tomatoes, potatoes, green and red peppers, kiwi fruits, strawberries, green leafy vegetables such as broccoli, fortified cereals.

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Eat Slow Chew Enough

Hi folks, hope you are having a good weekend, if you have gone through my previous posts than perhaps you know that I blog about self help, mental health and simple lifestyle.

All of us are very busy in our lives now, fast food has become an integral part of our fast lives, many people brings out the negative impact of various foods on our body, whether it is about the growing obesity, cholesterol or heart diseases, lots of people talk about this, I argue on that, in my opinion not only what we eat but how we eat also has a tremendous impact on our health. Stress and anxiety can be aggravated by :

  • Eating too fast or eating on the run.
  • Drinking too much water during having our food.
  • Eating too much, to the point, we feel stuffed.
  • Literary swallowing the food, without chewing for at least 10 to 20 times.

This put a strain in our intestine in the process of digesting the food. This adds stress to our body either by indigestion or by malabsorption of the nutrients.

Reasons to eat slow:

  • Digestion : The more we chew the food in our mouth the more it gets digested in our intestine. It also takes less time to get digested and increase the absorption of essential nutrients, reduces gastrointestinal problems caused by indigestion.
  • Lose weight : It takes around 20 minutes for the brain to realize that we are full, so if we eat faster, we may cross the point where we should feel full, without the realization of our brain. Studies have suggested that slow eating helps in reducing obesity. Apart from this, studies have also shown that normal pace of eating helps maintaining glucose level in blood.
  • Mindfulness: Eating can be a mindfulness exercise, while eating if we concentrate on the food rather than what we have to do next after the meal or thinking about other things we have been doing all day, can help to reduce stress and increase mindfulness. In my case I eat breakfast and dinner, skips lunch, it takes 20/25 minute for me to eat, suppose in your case it is the same, then 20×2 = 40 minutes. Practicing to concentrate on a single task for 40 minutes per day is not at all a bad choice.
  • Feel the taste : Food is essential for survival, but it is not at all bad to enjoy the aroma and taste of food, when we are on the run or eat faster we hardly enjoy the deliciousness of our food although a lot of it goes into our stomach, if we eat slowly, in every bite we can enjoy the taste, feel the deliciousness while consuming less, the good taste of the food not only pleasure our tongue but also makes our brain happy, and create good mood.

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Less Coffee Less Stress

Who doesn’t like coffee or tea. A cup of hot coffee after hours of work in the office or during long night study is very much relaxing, this may give relaxation for the moment but slowly and gradually it turns into a habit, when the limit increases, the stress and anxiety also increases.

Among all the dietary factors, caffeine is most notorious. Caffeine keeps us more alert, it stimulates various systems of our body.

How Does Caffeine Increases Stress & Anxiety ??

  • Norepinephrine is a neurotransmitter, important for attentiveness, emotions, sleeping, draming, arousal. Regular consumption of caffeine increases Norepinephrine level in the brain and that causes us to feel more alert and awake. Also produces physiological response similar to those we experiences when we are stressed.
  • Studies have suggested that consumption of high caffeine can increase hypertension and blood pressure for a small period of time.
  • Vitamin B1 (thiamin), is an anti-stress vitamin, increased caffeine consumption deplete Vitamin B1, leads to increased stress and panic attack.

In everyday life, coffee, tea and coke are the main sources of caffeine. There are tremendous individual variation in sensitivity to caffeine. If a person is suffering from either anxiety or panic attack, it is better to drink less coffee, tea and coke. Better not to consume caffeine more than 100mg per day, i. e one or one and half a cup of coffee per day.

Caffeine content in Coffee & Tea :-

  • Coffee (instant) : 67 mg / Cup
  • Coffee (percolated) : 112 mg / Cup
  • Coffee (drip) : 148 mg / Cup
  • Tea bag / Loose Tea : 5 minute brew 48mg /Cup
  • Tea bag /Loose Tea : 1 minute brew 28mg /Cup

If you’re a hardcore coffee or tea lover like me, you will find this very difficult to give up at once. I used to drink 5 / 6 cups of coffee per day, when I tried to stop suddenly, ended up with withdrawal reactions like heavy head, fatigue, headache, depression. So it’s better to give up slowly, for example if you are drinking 5 cups of coffee or tea per day, then first try taking 4 cups for a month, next month reduce it to 3 cups and so on.

Next time when someone ask you for a cup of coffee or tea, think again before saying OKAY !!

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