How do I choose the right life partner

Majority of us want a perfect person as our life partner, perfect in the sense that they must have qualities that we desire for, if you’re a man you may not say this but you want a beautiful, attractive, kind lady who should know cooking, cleaning and keeps you happy. On the other hand if you’re a woman, perhaps you want a man who earns well, can spend time with family, respect you and your parents, physically attractive. But the shitty thing is that NO BODY is perfect. Before looking for a person who must possess all the traits you desire, think once, if you have all the criteria in yourself those are required for being so called “Perfect” in today’s world.

Every person is a mixture of some good and some bad habits, some imperfections and some excellence. There are certain qualities that will not kill your relationship although may be annoying, on the other hand there are some qualities which are not at all acceptable.

Qualities of your partner that will not kill the relationship

  • Finds it difficult to express himself /herself.
  • Take the back seat in relationship and push you to take all the decisions.
  • A perfectionist.
  • Create a mess at home by keeping things here and there.
  • Workaholic.
  • Possessive (to some extent ).
  • Avoid frequent closeness.
  • Impatient.
  • Nagging.
  • Tries to appear stronger ( most males do not show their weakness)
  • Spend more time on work less with you.
  • Family oriented.
  • Demands time from you when you have no important work but understands when you’re busy.
  • Likes to be pampered always.

Qualities no one should tolerate

  • Liars.
  • Whose work and actions have no similarities.
  • Less bothered by your emotions and needs.
  • More interested in buying things for himself /herself rather than supporting family.
  • Apologize but do not try to change.
  • Knows his /her action may hurt others but least bothered about this.
  • Proud of education and wealth.
  • Ask for favours very often.
  • Alcoholic or drug addict.
  • Who wants you to trust but does not do anything trustworthy.
  • A jealous and suspicious person, although jealousy is a sign of he / she wants you and afraid of losing but extremely jealous people are a pain in the ass.
  • Who condemn you but react when you do the same.
  • Tries to hide their imperfactions and weakness, act as if he / she has all his /her shit together.
  • Flirts with your friends or strangers.
  • Assume negative things, for example if you’re busy at work he/ she may assume that you’re with someone else.
  • Tries to be a smart ass and spies on you.
  • Act if he/she knows everything.
  • Act parental.
  • Overly angry on small issues.
  • Create a drama after minor arguments.
  • More religious than spiritual.
  • Defensive even when his/her mistakes and lies are on the table.
  • Self righteous, lacks humble attitude.
  • Verbally or physically abusive.

You can take a chance with a person :-

  • Who is ready to change, of course it’s not just for a moment to avoid the arguments.
  • Who has a relationship with God.
  • Who is not religious but spiritual .
  • Who is not defensive but ready for an open talk.
  • Who is a good listener.
  • Interested to act upon your suggestions.
  • Who gives your opinion equal importance while taking any decision about family.
  • Who raise voice if you’re doing wrong rather than being an agreeable person and let you do anything you want.
  • Who has no alcoholic or drug addiction.

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Attain Self Confidence

In 1960, he became the head coach of Dallas cowboys. But his team failed miserably, started with difficulties during the first season followed by 5 or less wins in the following four season. Despite of his failure as a coach, his tenure was extended and that was the turning point, in 1965 his team improved to a 7-7 record, in 1966 , they made it all the way to NLF championship game by posing 10 wins. He remained the coach for next 29 season. Thomas Wade Landry, one of the longest serving coach in the world of sports.

“I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” – Michel Jordan.

What is the untold story behind the transformation of gloomy defeat to triumphs of success in the life of either Tom landry, the greatest basketball player of all time Michel Jordan or many like them. The most suitable answer is SELF CONFIDENCE. There are two main factors that helps in creating this self confidence, the two P’s. Patience and Persistence.

Failure is the part of the game, in life you can not win every game, every situation, every debate, it is the part and parcel of our lives. You can not deny it. But the key to turn the odds in your favor is the way you react to your failure.

Patience is the first key

Imagine what life would be like if Thomas Edison would give up after his first attempt to make electric bulb. When asked about failed attempts, he said something like “I didn’t fail 10000 times, I just found 10,000 ways that didn’t work”

After every failure, your knowledge increases, of course in today’s world of competition, one can not waste his entire life by trying again and again. But when you built this self confidence that you’ll be successful, a few risks are worth taking. You give up because you are a victim of anxiety. When you can not meet the deadline, it makes you anxious, you start feeling like it is the end. But that is not the end.

The best way to practice patience is to force yourself, and watch your behavior with people around you. If you often get annoyed with them, then it is a sign of lack of patience. Imagine if you’re like this with others then how do you treat yourself.

Persistence is the second key

Only Patience is not sufficient for building self confidence, with patience persistent is needed. These two factors contributes to self confidence. Patience comes from your belief, if you believe that you can do the thing, trust your abilities then unconsciously patience comes. Persistence makes your work more finer, more better . It is like throwing hundred clay balls on the wall and waiting for one to stick. Just imagine a weight lifter winning gold medal in the olympics, we all clap for him, admire his skills and perfection but behind all these, there are hundreds of failed attempts during his training and sometimes in the main event also, he has been lifting this weight probably everyday, he knows he can lift the weight but still he practice everyday, this persistence sharpen his skills so much that it led him to defeat many athletes in the olympics.

When you’re persistent in your attitude towards your goal, with every failure something new gets into your brain. If you fail the first time, but you’re persistent in your attempts, second time you’ll be a bit more confident, third time the confidence will be more, which will lead you to success.

How To Say Goodbye

After her breakup, my friend Jane was very much in pain, it was very difficult, almost impossible for her to move on. Probably she had been crying every night for a couple of months until she met this guy over the internet. They started to talk over a social media site, exchanged numbers, the conversations turned from a few text messages to hours of talking on the phone, as the days were passing Jane started to feel that her pain and difficulties have reduced, she started to forget her ex, the pain of past relationship was somehow diminishing, she felt more closer to the guy she was talking to, soon that guy proposed to her, although she didn’t accept but gave all the indications of her YES. She almost kept the pain that she got from her Ex aside. Now she was more stronger, more focused, she started to concentrate on her job, her projects. Soon she realized that she does not love the guy she is talking too, but she is very afraid to tell him about this and breaking up with him, as she feels the guilt of doing the same what just happened to her months ago,when she was broken into pieces this guy collected all the fragments of her soul, united those.

Many of us might have had such an experience like Jane, at some point of our lives. After a painful break up, when we were at the verge of sinking into the sea of depression, felt no appetite for days and slept only a few hours at night, someone appeared in our life, in this age of technology, it is very common to meet someone over social networking sites after break up. We just started to talk to the person, shared our pain and one fine morning we felt no pain no depression because of our past relationship, instead our mornings were now filled with texts from that person, subsequently we started to feel emotional attachment with that person, soon this attachment took the name of Love and then after a few months or a year we are now realizing that it is not love. It happened just because we were in need of someone to put all our pieces together again.

This ended up with us being in a situation where we know we do not love the person, do not want to fake it either but can not tell the person that it is not love, it was just the need of time, we were confused, our emotions and feelings were fragile at that very moment. We are not able to tell them these things because we feel guilty and selfish, how can we break someone’s heart who has united all broken pieces of our heart, how can we just cause the same pain to someone who has helped us to get out of pain, it is very selfish and an act of cruelty, this feeling comes because we find ourselves under the tremendous debts of the virtus they’ve done on us.

Think rationally, if you’re not happy or in love with this person, how long this thing will go smoothly. You’re afraid of cheating them but aren’t your cheating your own self. It is like you know the truth but still faking it to make that person happy. Yes of course you have done the biggest mistake in your life by confusing your need and your love. And the person who is on the opposite side have done nothing wrong, he/she is innocent and the angel that appeared to save your life, but do they deserve not to be loved by you from your heart, you may do a hundred things to show them you do love and care but you yourself knows that it’s all fake.

Secondly can you live with a person whom you do not love, but acting because you’re under the burden of their kindness, will you be happy? simply you’ll not. So the best way to rectify your mistake is to tell the person the truth. By telling the truth of course you’ll hurt the person, but it’s better to hurt then keeping them in an illusion. Truth is bitter but better than sweet lies. At some point you may meet someone with whom you may fall in love, at that time to maintain balance between your own wish, happiness and the thought of hurting the person who saved you once, you may start cheating, so better tell the person before it’s too late.

How to say Goodbye

If you’ve not yet accepted the proposal but showed all your interest in them, better do not accept until you’re sure about your feelings.

If your relationship is only over the phone and the internet, just reduce the time you spend over the internet. It may not help you but the less time you’ll spend over the internet with the person, the faster they’ll be detached from you, although not fully. This may help them when they’ll come to know about the truth. After a few weeks tell the person the truth, tell how do you feel about him/her, also mention the distance terms.

Avoid any form of intimacy over the phone or the internet, the more intimate you get with someone or they get with you, the harder it is to say goodbyes and hear goodbyes.

If your relationship is not only limited to phone and internet but both of you are living in the same city, better for you to meet and convey the truth. Of course they’ll react, will get mad at you, may even use slang but do not react. Just know one has to pay for every mistake one does.

The most important thing, do not keep them hanged, hoping that you’ll turn back to them again.

10 romantic ways to spend time with your partner

For me the whole week was really stressful, I guess you also had a busy week, if you and your partner both are working then hardly you both might have spent any time together. Perhaps you need to spend some time together, it will not only be fun but this will refresh your relationship.

1. If you’re in a place surrounded by hills or places where the crowd is less, go for a portable drive in, you can go there, and take your laptop with you, grab a pizza and snacks on the ways and watch a romantic movie while sitting under the sky, (80’s movies are really good, if you can find a dubbed korean movie , go for it. If you understand Korean then ofcourse you do not need dubbed version), if you’re too lazy to go out, arrange your movie date on your terrace. P.S take mosquito repeller.2. If there is any beach near your city , it’s a very romantic idea to go there, walk while holding hands, collect sea shells, off course it’s quite old school but still the older the wine is, the better it gets.3. Find a beautiful hillside, lie on the ground and watch the clouds, hold each others hand and talk about your dream vacation, if it never happens, it will be fun talking about it at least. Catch a bottle of wine and watch the Sunset.4. Go for a county drive, lost yourself (even if you know the roads just pretend to your partner that you have no idea how to go back). Make her/him feel that two of you are lost.5. Go to the nearby creek (if there is any) and feed the fishes together.

6. Visit a local flea market and see who can pick the cheapest, most fun and wacky suffs.

7. If you’re feeling lazy to go outside. Arrange a candle night dinner in your backyard. Cook his/her favorite stuffs.

8. Microwave some popcorn and rent a classic lovestory, watch the movie while cuddling.

9. Plant a tree together in respect of your marriage, it’s a small thing to do but it will create a feeling that will last forever and grow a little everyday.

10. If your partner loves to read, take her/him to a used bookstore.

11 things to do this weekend to release stress and to build self confidence

We become what we think of ourselves, our dreams, aspirations, thoughts all affects our Self confidence. The entire weekend if you’ve been feeling low and need a boost, then this article is for you. This weekend do these 6 things to make yourself feel more motivated, confident and relaxed.

1. Have a shower first

Wake up brush your teeth and take a shower, you’ll say you do it everyday after waking up, but this Sunday take a lil more time, do not be in a hurry, care yourself, it will cool your body and make your feel fresh and relaxed.

2. Meditate for 20 to 30 minutes.

Perhaps you’re not accustom to do meditation, if so, then it may sound boring, but still sit down and close your eyes, inhale and exhale, just concentrate on your breath. Our mind wanders in many things around us, it may be a sound or any thought, just withdraw your attention for so many things and centered it on your breath.

3. Prepare breakfast

If you’re living with your family, then prepare a good breakfast (even if bad, still give it a try), this will reflect your care and love for your family, and I bet once you serve them the food, the smile on their face will make your day, and if you’re living alone, prepare something new in breakfast for yourself, set the table, treat yourself to a wonderful culinary experience will lift your spirit, treat yourself with love and care.

4. Frame your achievements

For sure, you’ve earned some certificates or trophy or some documents for something good that you’ve done, it may be a graduation certificate or high school leaving certificate. Make a photocopy of it and frame this. Hang this on the wall, whenever you’ll look at this, it will remind you how good you’re, the way you’ve worked to earn it. It will boost your self belief.

5. Think about your last success

Last time when you were successful in your venture, whether a test, interview or a project in office, how had you done this, what was the rewards and most importantly what were the obstacles, if you’ve succeeded in your venture, that means you’re capable of hard work and getting success if you want, think about your last achievement for a couple of minutes. This will make you understand that you’re capable.

6. Clean your room

Cleaning your room and organize your closet, throw things away that you are no longer using, the feeling that you’ll get by replacing the old with new ones, will boost your self esteem. If you note this carefully, then it is the law of life and nature, nature always replace the old and tired by the new, so you must change the old and tired you with a juvenile you filled with new hopes, new ideas and zeal.

7. Help others

Help your parents, partner, a friend, a neighbour or a homeless and needy with something, helping others lets you know that you’re a good person, a good son, a good husband, a good friend, you can use your knowledge and capacity in a positive way, knowing this will make you feel more valued and better.

8. Read

Read a story or watch a documentary on some failure stories, and how those failures turned into success, this will fill you with positive thoughts and help removing the negativity and fear of failure from your mind, remember a man who ventures nothing can not have anything, failures are not as scary regret.

9. Put on something beautiful

Put on some nice, beautiful clothes, a nice pair of shoes, treat yourself with love, pamper yourself for at least today. When you love yourself, value yourself, it gives you positive vibes about yourself, you will understand you have some values, you’re unique and beautiful.

10. Visualize the past

Remind yourself how did you survive so long, the struggles , obstacles, hard work, bad relations, failures and adversities, you’ve faced them all, you had nothing at the beginning, you were weak, but you’ve faced everything in life with courage and strength and reached wherever you’re today, you have started with nothing and created everything you’re having today, if adversities are making you to feel less confident and depressed, then it is not the first time, adversities appeared in the past too, and you’ve handled them, so you’re capable to face the challenges now, you can turn the adversities present in your life at this moment into prosperity, only you have to trust your abilities.

11. Go out

Go outside for a walk, a movie or any kind of fun, look at the people around you, look at how they’re enjoying their lives, everybody has some issues in their life, perhaps some of them are broke and had to cut off some expanses to bring their kids for a movie or dinner, some of them may have somebody who is sick, some may have troubles in their job and maybe scared of losing it, still they’re living the day, because they trust their abilities.

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Five tips to handle backstabbers in office

Backstabbers are everywhere, you’re working in any company or you’re a student, especially if you’re pursuing higher studies like doctorates or masters, you may encounter with backstabbers, studies suggested that there are one backstabber out of thirty people in any organization. They’re the snakes in suits, very clever and over friendly, appears helpful to everyone but their inner motive in just to profit their own selves as they lack any talent, they try to know other people’s weakness and you this as their strength.

1.Do not believe them :

The first weapon they use is to spread lies and rumors, they carry the grapevine to you, they may tell you that someone in the office does not like you, the boss is not happy with you or someone was talking negative things about you the other day when you were not there, someone is filling the ears of boss against you. Perhaps they tell the same thing to another person about you.

The best way to handle this is to establish a good relationship with everybody in the office, be friendly with everybody and intentionally let them know you better. Whenever they tell you that a guy or girl was talking negative things about you then just be straight and ask that person rather than believing on grapevine.

2. Keep everything noted

Whatever they tell you or do to you, keep everything noted with date and events, it will help you in future if they set any trap for you and unfortunately you fall into their trap, suppose you’re doing a project together and they tell you to do something, keep it noted, even if the boss is a backstabber or using you to reach his/her goal, tells you to do things that you think is inappropriate, then email them back that you’re understanding their request but keep those emails, text messages, social media chats, this may be helpful to you in case they blame you if something goes wrong.

3. Do not blame them

Blaming or confronting backstabbers make them aggressive and they can harm you, so be friendly with them. Ask them things in a tone like you’re asking their suggestions, tell them their feedback is very important for you.

4. Be more interactive with your boss and team members

Once I and two of my teammates were given a project to complete within six months. One of the two was a backstabber, I do not like licking boots and the other person also had similar nature. But after the project was assigned, the third one among us started to be more interactive with the boss, started to visit the boss, asking him things about the project and things which were not even 1% related to that particular topic, in reality that person was not doing anything in the project, even stopped talking to two of us. It was very strange that the person started to spend more time in the boss’s room, later we found that it was all planned, that person was creating a picture in the boss’s mind that two of us are not doing anything or helping at all and that person was doing everything.

To counter this, one fine day two of us went to the boss’s room and talked about the project, we could feel the anger in his tone, so we cleverly asked him to set a meeting with three of us, he agreed. Then we put forward our work in front of him,the third person had nothing much to show about the things those the person contributed to the project. Please remember do not blame or go straight and tell bad things about others, this creates a negative image of yours in other people’s mind. People believes the things which appears in front of them, if you’re not much interactive, there is no way your boss can ever get to know about your hardwork and contribution. It is not boot licking but being interactive and showing interest.

5. Maintain eye contact

Eyes are very expressive, they reflect our inner thoughts, strength and weakness. When you talk to the backstabber, maintain eye contact, do not hunch over, do not blink after every 3 seconds. These are an indication of weakness, a gesture of surrender. When they’ll understand that you’re easy prey they’ll try to catch you, do things to make you feel that only they are your well wisher and make you their slave, when the right time will come they’ll use you blame you and sacrifice you for achieving their goal.
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